Divorce after 55 is one of the most financially and emotionally complex real estate situations a couple faces. The family home is almost always the largest shared asset — and selling it requires a specialist who understands both the financial stakes and the human weight of what this transition means.
Gray divorce is the term used for divorce among couples aged 50 and older. It has grown significantly as a share of all divorces nationally, rising roughly 19% between 2015 and 2024. In Iowa, approximately 5,700 divorces are filed annually — and the 55 to 64 age group represents a meaningful and growing segment of those filings.
For most gray divorce couples, the family home is the single largest asset they share — often more valuable than retirement accounts, and almost always more emotionally complex. It's the home where children were raised, where decades of life happened, where one or both parties may have assumed they would live indefinitely. The decision to sell it is rarely simple, even when it is clearly the right financial decision.
Sarah Ingles holds the SRES® (Senior Real Estate Specialist) designation, which specifically prepares real estate professionals for the financial and emotional dynamics of major life transitions for adults 50 and older — including divorce-related sales. She works in the Des Moines metro and handles gray divorce home sales with the sensitivity and competence this situation requires.
In a standard home sale, there is one seller making decisions. In a gray divorce sale, there are two — and they may disagree on price, timing, preparation, and who handles what. Even when both parties genuinely want to sell, the emotional complexity of ending a long marriage while simultaneously selling the home they built together can slow decisions, create tension with offers, and complicate communication with buyers and attorneys.
Sarah's role in a gray divorce sale is to serve the transaction — not either spouse individually. She presents pricing data and market analysis to both parties simultaneously and equally. She coordinates with both parties' family law attorneys when required. And she provides the kind of steady, clear guidance that keeps a transaction on track when the human dynamics could otherwise derail it.
She also brings a practical asset that many gray divorce clients don't expect: her CPCU® background in property and casualty insurance means she can identify condition issues with the family home before listing — deferred maintenance, aging systems, roof conditions — that affect what buyers can finance and insure. Addressing these proactively protects both parties' financial interests in the sale.
Timing the sale relative to the divorce decree has real tax implications. Married couples selling a primary residence may exclude up to $500,000 in capital gains. After divorce, each individual may exclude up to $250,000. Depending on the home's appreciation, the difference can be significant. A CPA or tax attorney should advise on the right timing for your specific situation before any decisions are made.
One of the most valuable things Sarah provides gray divorce clients is perspective on what comes next. After selling a four-bedroom family home, each spouse typically needs a single-level, lower-maintenance home sized for one person — not two. That transition is itself a significant real estate decision, made in the middle of an already demanding life event.
Sarah uses the language of right-sizing rather than downsizing with her senior and gray divorce clients — because the goal isn't simply smaller, it's better suited to the life each person is building going forward. Whether that means a maintenance-free condo in West Des Moines, a single-level home in Ankeny, or an independent living community in the Des Moines metro, she helps clients identify what right-sized actually looks like for their next chapter — and then find it.
Her SRES® training covers the financial dimensions of this transition as well: how Social Security benefits may be affected by divorce timing, how Medicare and housing decisions interact, and how to think about housing as part of an overall retirement picture rather than in isolation.
In any Iowa divorce involving real estate, both parties should have independent legal counsel. The divorce attorney handles the asset division agreement — what each party receives from the sale proceeds, whether one party has the right of first refusal to buy out the other, and how the transaction is structured from a legal standpoint. Sarah handles the real estate transaction.
The most effective gray divorce home sales are ones where the real estate agent and both parties' attorneys are in clear communication about timing, pricing authority, and how offers will be evaluated. Sarah is experienced in coordinating with family law attorneys and making that coordination smooth rather than adversarial.
What is gray divorce and why does it affect the family home differently?
Gray divorce refers to divorce among couples aged 50 and older. The family home is typically the largest shared asset, and unlike divorces involving younger couples with children still at home, gray divorce couples usually sell and divide assets as part of finalizing the divorce. The transaction also carries significant emotional weight as it often marks the end of decades of shared life in one home.
Do both spouses have to agree to sell the family home in a Des Moines gray divorce?
In most Iowa divorces, the court has authority to order the sale of jointly owned real property as part of asset division if spouses cannot agree. In practice, most gray divorce home sales are negotiated between spouses with guidance from their respective family law attorneys. An Iowa divorce attorney must advise on your specific situation — Sarah handles the real estate side, not the legal side.
What is the capital gains exclusion when selling a home during divorce?
Under federal tax law, married couples selling a primary residence may exclude up to $500,000 of capital gains from taxable income if they meet the ownership and use tests. After divorce, each individual may exclude up to $250,000. The timing of the sale relative to the divorce decree affects which exclusion applies. Consult a CPA or tax attorney before deciding when to sell.
Should we sell before or after the divorce is finalized in Iowa?
The timing has tax, financial, and logistical implications. Selling while still legally married may preserve the larger $500,000 capital gains exclusion. However, coordinating a sale between two separating parties adds complexity. An Iowa divorce attorney and CPA should advise on the right timing for your specific situation before any decisions are finalized.
Why does a gray divorce home sale require a different kind of real estate agent?
Gray divorce home sales involve two sellers who may not be communicating well, emotional complexity around a home representing decades of shared life, coordination with family law attorneys on asset division, and right-sizing decisions for two separate futures. The SRES® designation specifically prepares agents for the financial and emotional dynamics of real estate transitions for adults 50 and older, including divorce-related sales.
What happens to the family home if one spouse wants to keep it in an Iowa gray divorce?
One spouse can buy out the other's equity interest by refinancing the mortgage in their name alone and paying the other spouse their share of equity. The buyout amount is typically based on an appraisal or agreed market value. The spouse keeping the home must qualify for refinancing on their own income and credit — which is often more challenging after 55. An Iowa divorce attorney and a lender should advise on feasibility.
Sarah Ingles is a REALTOR® and real estate professional, not a licensed Iowa attorney, financial advisor, or tax professional. All divorce-related legal and financial questions should be directed to qualified Iowa professionals in those fields. Iowa License #S73007000 | Fathom Realty | Equal Housing Opportunity.